Insecurities are a B****

                                         

“You have a bright future, you just have to learn to let go of what’s holding you back; your insecurities. You don’t think your good enough and you are. Repeat after me, I am beautiful, I am good enough”. - A woman who changed my life

 
 A woman I did not even know looked at me and read me like a book. To have someone read out loud your inner thoughts is extremely scary but, life changing. I still get chills thinking about that day in Memphis back in 2013.  

 On the last day of the HBCU Kings and Queens Conference in Memphis TN, we had an early morning church service. Most of the schools left before the service started so the room was pretty empty.  I remember walking in the conference room  just praying saying let the word speak to me today lord. That morning I woke up feeling uneasy and not feeling too good about myself. I have never compared myself to another woman until then. All these beautiful HBCU campus queens from all over the country coming together to learn how to utilize our titles to better our communities and ourselves. Everyone was so poised, elegant and well put together and then there was me. I felt so inexperienced and out of my comfort zone. I was so nervous because, being an introvert I had to get out of my comfort zone and be more interactive rather than observant. As we sat down, our guest speaker was introduced. Once she opened her mouth, I knew today was going to be like no other.  She called upon each school one by one and had us come up to the front. Of course we went first and as I looked at all of my court family, I saw tears just rolling down our face as she held our hands and told us all of the fears and things deep down inside holding us back. As she looked at me, she just held my hand, looked and me and said," Baby you are a mess.You have a bright future, you just have to learn to let go of what’s holding you back, your insecurities. You don’t think your good enough and you are. Repeat after me, I am beautiful, I am good enough”. With the ugly cry and all, I repeated those word until I started believing them...

That moment I had to put my fears to the side and be the queen that was seen in me to be. I questioned everyday why I was chosen to be on the royal court until that day I met this woman. The queens I once thought were all put together were just as broken as me. I have never seen so many people crying and hugging one another like I did on that day. Many of the queens were just as insecure as me. That day, I realized you can’t judge a book by its cover. We are all flawed and that is what makes us beautiful.  To accept and love your flaws is what helps you find the beauty in them. I realized my purpose that day. I never questioned why me again and no matter where I was, I never forgot to wear my invisible crown. Once a queen, always a queen.  My future is so bright I have to wear shades from being so blinded  J