All Scars Are Not Visible

Last week on The Real, one of the topics the ladies discussed was the advice they would tell their 20 year old self. Just 2 weeks ago, I launched my blog with a letter to my younger self and to see the ladies on The Real speak on the same topic felt like a sign from God. Tamar Braxton shared a heart wrenching story on how she was stuck in an abusive relationship in her early 20's. She expressed how getting to know who she is got her out of the relationship. Hearing Tamar’s story really inspired me to share a piece of me that only a few people know about, my battle with depression.

This time seven years ago, I was unknowingly gearing up for one of the toughest battles of my life. For many years, I held in the pain of seeing my father tear my family apart with his drug habit. Spring 2008 was a tough time for me. During this time, I remember having to hide money in my shoes because my father would go through my purse to search for money to pay for his drugs. Many times I had to defend myself from my father physically attacking me and then apologizing and acting like nothing ever happen.  Living in a home where I felt unsafe and frightened for my life as well as my mom and brother was extremely hard. Looking back, I really don’t know how I remained to do so well in school and hold on to my social life without breaking. When my father left, I didn't have time to heal from the situation because I just pushed it to the side and kept myself busy. During the end of my junior year of high school, I meet a boy who I later feel deeply in love with. Still til this day, that was one of the happiest moments of my life.  However once our relationship went sour I had the pain of losing my first love and the pain I did not deal with from my father’s drug problem hit me all at once. Here I am starting my freshman year of college battling with trying to maintain my grades and dealing with this pain I NEVER felt before. My grades slipped because I could not focus. I lost a lot of weight from not having an appetite and sometimes had to force myself to eat. I would hide through a smile but deep down I was hurting so bad. I have a hard time trusting people so I felt like I couldn't tell anyone. I have a hard time showing people my weaknesses because I don’t want to give them an advantage on how to break me. That time in my life felt like it would never end. I never thought I would get over the pain someone else caused me because the hurt was that deep. I remember feeling like a stranger in my own home (my body). I did not know who I was or where I was going. I remember just praying that I would overcome this situation. I would pray all night if I had to until I felt like my prayers were heard. I began the process of healing by writing down my feelings and writing poetry. Even though it took me a few months to overcome this situation it felt like years. I literally woke up one day and I felt like myself again. The pain was vanishing and I finally saw my happiness shine through the clouds.

I appreciate all of the ladies of The Real who shared their stories because sometimes we love to share the highs of our lives and tend to ignore the lows. The achievements in life mean nothing without the failures. The best thing to do when you feel lost is to STOP and pray. Having God on my side helped me overcome every battle I experienced in life to date. When the road got blurry, God made my vision clear and helped me overcome my battle with depression. To anyone battling depression, you are not alone. I have been in your shoes and I am now walking in a new and better pair. There is sunshine after the storm.

"THE STRONGEST PEOPLE 

ARE NOT THOSE WHO SHOW 

STRENGTH IN FRONT OF US

BUT THOSE WHO WIN BATTLES

WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT" - UNKNOWN