The Day I Stopped Questioning God

I use to wake up every day wanting a different outcome from the day before. Every day is a blessing but, my life feels like a curse. I ask God why and the answer is silent. I pray and I pray and I pray but the answer seems lost. Why is this happening to me? What is the lesson being taught?

One day, I woke up with no questions. Instead of questioning God, I began to thank him. I started to give thanks more for the things I didn't have. I told myself, the things that I want are not at my reach for a reason, so I thank God for keeping me away from them. I noticed a change within my days. The more I stopped asking questions, the more answers I got. God was silent for a reason. He was telling me to be silent and listen. Never question why, just shut up and listen for the answers.

Free

I just want to be free

Free from all the sorrow and pain

Free from all the worries and doubts

Trust in the lord they say

I read my bible everyday

In God I trust

I would not make it through this fuss without

Trust it’s a powerful word

A short one

But it gives me hope

Hope that one day I will be free from the hurt

Free from the pain

Freedom is what I seek

But what will I be when I am finally truly free?

- Jasmine H.

Our Generation Is Not Lost

I stumbled across this video on Facebook and was blown away. I hear so many of my elders say that this generation is dead. That we don't know our history. Well, I won't say no more...please press play. 

Perfection?

Honey, it is okay not to be perfect. You cannot look at these girls on the cover of magazines and TV shows and think for one second that is perfection. Most of those girls are photo shopped in pictures and in real life. To be honest, they are the most insecure women anyway. Thousands of dollars in plastic surgery, caked on makeup and oh this new contouring trend...do you really think covering up your flaws will make you perfect? The answer is NO. No matter how much you change yourself the flaws will always remain. It's when you learn to love the things you hate is when you will really start to see the change. Self-love is the best love and if you don't love yourself how do you expect anyone else to? Look in the mirror and realize the reflection in the mirror is you. No one is built like you. Unique as you are, learn to love you and then you will not worry about the sick disease called perfection.

All Scars Are Not Visible

Last week on The Real, one of the topics the ladies discussed was the advice they would tell their 20 year old self. Just 2 weeks ago, I launched my blog with a letter to my younger self and to see the ladies on The Real speak on the same topic felt like a sign from God. Tamar Braxton shared a heart wrenching story on how she was stuck in an abusive relationship in her early 20's. She expressed how getting to know who she is got her out of the relationship. Hearing Tamar’s story really inspired me to share a piece of me that only a few people know about, my battle with depression.

This time seven years ago, I was unknowingly gearing up for one of the toughest battles of my life. For many years, I held in the pain of seeing my father tear my family apart with his drug habit. Spring 2008 was a tough time for me. During this time, I remember having to hide money in my shoes because my father would go through my purse to search for money to pay for his drugs. Many times I had to defend myself from my father physically attacking me and then apologizing and acting like nothing ever happen.  Living in a home where I felt unsafe and frightened for my life as well as my mom and brother was extremely hard. Looking back, I really don’t know how I remained to do so well in school and hold on to my social life without breaking. When my father left, I didn't have time to heal from the situation because I just pushed it to the side and kept myself busy. During the end of my junior year of high school, I meet a boy who I later feel deeply in love with. Still til this day, that was one of the happiest moments of my life.  However once our relationship went sour I had the pain of losing my first love and the pain I did not deal with from my father’s drug problem hit me all at once. Here I am starting my freshman year of college battling with trying to maintain my grades and dealing with this pain I NEVER felt before. My grades slipped because I could not focus. I lost a lot of weight from not having an appetite and sometimes had to force myself to eat. I would hide through a smile but deep down I was hurting so bad. I have a hard time trusting people so I felt like I couldn't tell anyone. I have a hard time showing people my weaknesses because I don’t want to give them an advantage on how to break me. That time in my life felt like it would never end. I never thought I would get over the pain someone else caused me because the hurt was that deep. I remember feeling like a stranger in my own home (my body). I did not know who I was or where I was going. I remember just praying that I would overcome this situation. I would pray all night if I had to until I felt like my prayers were heard. I began the process of healing by writing down my feelings and writing poetry. Even though it took me a few months to overcome this situation it felt like years. I literally woke up one day and I felt like myself again. The pain was vanishing and I finally saw my happiness shine through the clouds.

I appreciate all of the ladies of The Real who shared their stories because sometimes we love to share the highs of our lives and tend to ignore the lows. The achievements in life mean nothing without the failures. The best thing to do when you feel lost is to STOP and pray. Having God on my side helped me overcome every battle I experienced in life to date. When the road got blurry, God made my vision clear and helped me overcome my battle with depression. To anyone battling depression, you are not alone. I have been in your shoes and I am now walking in a new and better pair. There is sunshine after the storm.

"THE STRONGEST PEOPLE 

ARE NOT THOSE WHO SHOW 

STRENGTH IN FRONT OF US

BUT THOSE WHO WIN BATTLES

WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT" - UNKNOWN

Educated Queen: Lauryn Hill

Who inspires you to be you? Have you ever meet someone who just made you love yourself a little bit more? Even though I have never physically meet Lauryn Hill, I truly feel a connection with her. She is a living gem. The knowledge this women posse on self-love, God and believing in your dreams is remarkable. Today, I stumbled upon a speech Lauryn gave to a few high school students almost 15 years ago. At 25, she spoke as someone twice her age. I wanted to share this video with you all because the words she spoke almost 15 years ago, are still so powerful and relevant today. As I watched this video, I started to jot down things that she said and this one particular point she made, inspired me to wrote a poem. “Who I am, has nothing to do with what you see”.  – Lauryn Hill

Where do you live?

My body is my address

This is where I live

Who I am has nothing to do with what I wear or what you see

Who I truly am cannot be seen

It can only be felt through the spirit.

My body is my home

It shields my soul

It is the keeper of my spirit

It is where I live

- Jasmine Hill

Watch this inspiring video below and share your thoughts

Call Me, Poetic Jas

Not many people know that I am secretly write poetry. I rarely share this because, I hate the question, "Let me hear one of your poems". I was too afraid to let people see me so vulnerable. My poems tell a side of me that I was not ready to release until now. So...today I will share with you my very first poem I ever wrote. Now keep in mind that I am an artist and I'm sensitive about my SHHH... lol

I, Too 

(Inspired by I, Too by Langston Hughes)

I, too, am in love

In a city full of vultures

Ready to tear my heart open and eat the flesh of you out of me

I stand my ground

My ground for love that is

Hate Love signs posted along the streets I walk

I tear them down with sorrow

For I am in love in a world full of hate

I stand out as the odd ball

Like the Jewish were towards the Nazi’s

Wearing a heart on my chest to point me out from others

I stand my ground

My ground for love that is

As I walk through the crowd

I am shunned, spit on and yelled at as if I were a murderer

Knowing that the end is near

I keep on walking

I finally reached the end of the road

I see a man who’s pointing for me to come

I walk over

And he tells me…

I, too, am in love.

- Jasmine Hill

Letter to My younger self

Dear Jasmine,

Today is your 24th birthday. What makes this day even more special is this is your first birthday celebrated as a college graduate. You did it! At 18, you had the world eating out of the palm of your hands. Getting ready for prom, graduating high school and starting college. Oh, how can I forget...you found love. Yes, I know you think it will last forever but, I hate to burst your bubble and tell you it doesn't. Girl, at 24 you are SINGLE as a dollar bill and the way that's looking it won't be changed soon. But, you will be OKAY..I promise!

One thing I can tell you about your future self is, you will find yourself and finally look in the mirror and love who you are. Growing up I know you hated the way you looked or wish you were as pretty as the other girls but I’m here to tell you always were as pretty as the other girls and definitely way smarter. Insecurities suck but you will learn to love the things you hate. Your fair skin, curly hair, freckles and beauty mark make you who you are and because you are uniquely you and that makes you even more beautiful. If you only knew how special you were then...but it's okay because you will realize it later on.

Unfortunately your daddy issues have not ended. Growing up seeing your dad go from your hero to your worst nightmare was tough but you will learn to accept it. You learned to use that pain to build your strength and now you are truly a girl on fire. Your strength is unbelievable right now. It's so strong you created a blog to inspire others through your story. Crazy right?

If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to enjoy life and stop worrying about if you are good enough because you are. Look in the mirror, love the person staring back at you. Self-love is the key to true happiness. Instead of focusing on the things you rather change, learn to accept them. Last but certainly not least, keep your trust in the lord. He has a lot in store for you.

Well before I go, I want to say, now at 24, your life is almost identical to how you imagined. Your dreams and goals you set are coming true. You are going to change the world someday.

Sincerely, 

The Future You

HERstory in the Making

Creating this blog took a lot of courage. I have battled all my life with how much of myself I should reveal to people and what to keep as private. Until one day I read a quote that said, "Never be so quiet that you let someone else tell your story". The things I went through and are currently going through in life can help someone else who may be going through the same thing and that reason alone helped motivate me to tell my story.  We all have a story to tell but its up to you to tell it or let someone else tell it for you. 

   HERstory in the Making was created by a once lost girl who is on the path to finding herself. HERstory in the Making promotes women empowerment  through personal experience, education and entertainment. I hope to empower, inspire and unite women through HERstory. 

  

Through my story, or your story, I pledge to tell our story and make it HERstory. 

Welcome to my world.