Poem: Song OF Happiness

Song of Happiness

By: Jasmine Hill

Today is the day

I wake up a new

Today is the day

I will not sing the blues

Leave my troubles behind

And follow my heart through

Sing this tune

My happiness tune

I will no longer cry

Or doubt what I can do

I will lead the way

Singing my happy tune

Nothing Was The Same

Somethings are better left unsaid. However, the things that eat you alive release it. Today, I share my story of a broken friendship through my art. 

Nothing Was The Same

By Jasmine Hill 

 We were like Oprah and Gayle

Or more like a crazy duo
Like Thelma and Louise

If someone would have told me yesterday we would be friends forever

I would tell them to not keep that promise

People grow apart

And what is meant to be will be

But if you never lost a friend like that

How could you tell me it’s not that deep?

Sometimes I just want to pick up my phone and call you

But I know it will never be the same

I just want to tell you that I am proud of you

And I just hope you feel the same

My love for you is still there

That will never change

I just want my friend back

Is that hard to explain?

I guess it is

Since nothing will ever be the same

I Don't Want To Just Feel Better, I Want To Be Healed!

Have you ever just been so angry with an ex that you just wanted to get even? Make them feel the pain they left on you. The feeling of seeking revenge is enduring but the feeling is only temporary. Hurting someone else because they hurt you won't help you move on and learn from the situation. It will make you bitter and angry. Have you heard of the term, "hurt people, hurt people"? Inflicting pain won't make you feel any better. I had a situation recently where I saw someone thing from an ex on social media and was furious. The number one thing I hate is being lied to. I called my girlfriend up and told her I just wish I could be petty and just seek revenge against him. She told me to do it because I would make me feel better. Once she said that, a little voice popped in my head and said “you don't want to just feel better, you want to be healed”. Sometimes we seek quick resolutions to our problems instead of long term ones. Continuing to give those who hurt you attention is hurting yourself more than them. At that moment, I realized being the bigger person has gotten me far in many situations and it definitely will in this one too. I can no longer worry about someone else's happiness when we all know looks can be deceiving. I am no longer concerned about an ex because, he is an ex for a reason. Time moves forward for a reason and so should I...

To Whom It May Concern

Dear Broken-Hearted Girl,

You know you have to let go and move on but, you don't. You hold on to this little bit of hope that just maybe it will all work out… I am here to tell you to let it go. God has given you all the signs you need to just move on. I know it is harder said than done but, when is enough truly enough? You are strong enough. Never give in to the devil trying to make you think you are weak. You can't open a new door before you close the one behind you. You see I said behind you. Move forward. Don't even think about reversing. You deserve more than broken promises and lies...you deserve your happiness. Now go get it!

Yours Truly,

Jas

Dear Momma

Dear Momma,

You had me at a tender age of 17. Still a baby yourself. You sacrificed some of the best years of your life when you brought me into this world. Now that I am 24 with a college degree, preparing for my second degree and have an extremely bright future, I have many to thank but I thank you the most. I seen your struggles and I have witnessed your triumphs. You helped me realize that I needed to grow into who I am destined to be before I begin a life with someone else. I have learned from all the mistakes you made. I hold onto the things you done right and store them into my things of wisdom. Your story is like no other and today I cherish and honor you because of it. 

You are one the strongest people I know. When it was time to pick up the pieces of our broken family, you did. I never told you this but, I never seen you happy until you and my father split. I felt like I got a new mom in a way. You truly deserved and still deserve happiness. Even on your worst day, you are still amazing. I love you for who you are. Never forget your worth. Never dull your light for someone else to shine. Be your own light.

Today, I am proud of the woman you are because, I watched you become her. You are far from perfect, but that makes you even more amazing. I learned how to be the strong,wise and goal-orientated young woman by watching your journey in life. Thank you for all the lessons you taught me because, I am a better person because of them. Thank you for the sacrifices you made because, it helped me get to where I am today. Thank you for being my mom because, without you there will be no me. 

Happy Mother's Day Mommy

I love you to the moon and back..

Yours Truly,

Jasmine 

Insecurities are a B****

                                         

“You have a bright future, you just have to learn to let go of what’s holding you back; your insecurities. You don’t think your good enough and you are. Repeat after me, I am beautiful, I am good enough”. - A woman who changed my life

 
 A woman I did not even know looked at me and read me like a book. To have someone read out loud your inner thoughts is extremely scary but, life changing. I still get chills thinking about that day in Memphis back in 2013.  

 On the last day of the HBCU Kings and Queens Conference in Memphis TN, we had an early morning church service. Most of the schools left before the service started so the room was pretty empty.  I remember walking in the conference room  just praying saying let the word speak to me today lord. That morning I woke up feeling uneasy and not feeling too good about myself. I have never compared myself to another woman until then. All these beautiful HBCU campus queens from all over the country coming together to learn how to utilize our titles to better our communities and ourselves. Everyone was so poised, elegant and well put together and then there was me. I felt so inexperienced and out of my comfort zone. I was so nervous because, being an introvert I had to get out of my comfort zone and be more interactive rather than observant. As we sat down, our guest speaker was introduced. Once she opened her mouth, I knew today was going to be like no other.  She called upon each school one by one and had us come up to the front. Of course we went first and as I looked at all of my court family, I saw tears just rolling down our face as she held our hands and told us all of the fears and things deep down inside holding us back. As she looked at me, she just held my hand, looked and me and said," Baby you are a mess.You have a bright future, you just have to learn to let go of what’s holding you back, your insecurities. You don’t think your good enough and you are. Repeat after me, I am beautiful, I am good enough”. With the ugly cry and all, I repeated those word until I started believing them...

That moment I had to put my fears to the side and be the queen that was seen in me to be. I questioned everyday why I was chosen to be on the royal court until that day I met this woman. The queens I once thought were all put together were just as broken as me. I have never seen so many people crying and hugging one another like I did on that day. Many of the queens were just as insecure as me. That day, I realized you can’t judge a book by its cover. We are all flawed and that is what makes us beautiful.  To accept and love your flaws is what helps you find the beauty in them. I realized my purpose that day. I never questioned why me again and no matter where I was, I never forgot to wear my invisible crown. Once a queen, always a queen.  My future is so bright I have to wear shades from being so blinded  J

Caged Bird

Right now I feel like a caged bird. Trapped inside a cage with no way out. The feeling of being held back or unable to move is painful. Trying to express how you truly feel while you are stuck in a place where you don't know how and when you will make it out is extremely hard. I have lived my life trying to please everyone but...myself. I have watched myself put a smile on everyone's face but my own. It's coming to a point where I don't know what I want or how to just please me. I just want to be set free. Feeling like a bird trapped in a cage while everyone stops and stares at me. My loud cries for help are being mistaken for a beautiful song. I just want to be set free. Being stuck inside of a mental cage has turned me into someone I do not know. I just want to be free so I can fly, fly, fly...

I am so misunderstood. I can't express myself. I feel stuck. I have held in my pain that now it's started to take over who I truly am. From the outside looking in it seems to be that I have it all together but deep down inside I am a mess. Trapped inside a body that doesn't feel like mine. I just want to be free.  Let go of my fears and just take a leap of faith. No more pleasing others. It time to please myself. If it makes you uncomfortable , oh well. Well behaved women seldom make history...

Proceed With Caution...

10 Life Lessons I've learned Since Turning 24

                                                     
At 24, I have many achievements that I am extremely proud of. However, with my success also came many challenges that I had to overcome. From losing and gaining friends, to trying to find myself and my purpose in life, I have experienced many failures. With all of the failures I endured, I managed to turn them into lessons. I love sharing my journey with others because, my struggles might help someone else to not make the same mistakes I made. 

I decided to share some of the lessons I have learned...

1.The things I once saw as perfect are completely flawed.

Beyonce said it best, "Perfection is a disease of a nation". Simply put it like this, perfection does not exist. Stop trying to find perfection, it is okay to have flaws. Be Flawesome (Something that is totally awesome but not without it's flaws). 

2.Life is hard only if you tell yourself that.

I tell my friends all of the time that the more you speak negativity into the atmosphere, the more it will appear in your life. Stop expressing how hard life is and start embracing the positive aspects of your life. Nothing is unreachable or impossible, the word itself says, I'M POSSIBLE. 

3.Turn your failures into lessons.

Never a failure, only a lesson learned. I am no longer afraid to fail because, with each failure I grow more knowledgeable and stronger. Learning the lesson in each failure of my life is the reason I am now not afraid to take risk. I now stand outside of the box instead of being confined in one. 

4.My life is mine for a reason, no one else can live it for me.

This is my life homie, you decide yours - Kanye West 

5.Tell your story while you are here, don't give someone else an opportunity to tell it for you. 

Best lesson I have learned thus far. I created this blog to tell my story because, I wanted to to give myself the opportunity to tell my story before someone else could. Never let someone else be your voice. Find an outlet to tell your story. 

6.Be wise in those you trust, don't be foolish in trusting everyone.

Trust is something that is not given to everyone. Just like respect, trust is earned as well. Not everyone is not trustworthy. 

7.Forgive those who hurt you and yourself for hurting others.

Forgiveness, Forgiveness, Forgiveness...it truly is easier said than done. One thing about forgiveness is that it helps you. Holding on to hurt and pain will only make you bitter and angry. Release it and move on..

8. I am nothing without God

He saw the best in me, when everyone else around could only see the worst in me. *DROPS THE MIC*

9.Never compare yourself to another, they are not you and you are not them.

There is only one me. No one is built like me. We all walk different paths in life. Comparing yourself to someone else will only make you look and feel insecure. Embrace who YOU are. Love yourself.

10. Silence is not golden, never be afraid to say what you feel, your words might help another.

Speak up or never be heard. I grew up always holding my tongue and never expressing how I truly felt. Nothing is worse than an untold story. So say it loud and proud!

What are some of your life lessons learned? Comment below...

My SHEro: Nikki Giovanni

3 years ago, I had the privilege of witnessing one of my idols speak at my alma mater, Bowie State University. I will never forget rushing to the stage at the end of the event for her to sign her book of poems I owned. She grabbed my book, looked me in my eyes and just smiled. Still one of my prized possessions. Nikki Giovanni is the reason why I love poetry. Her poems were always so simple yet deep. She taught me that sometimes poems are not suppose to rhyme, but to just mean something to you. When I first started writing poetry, I always thought if it didn't rhyme is wasn't good. Reading her poems changed my perspective and now I write freely. I don't worry if it doesn't rhyme as long as it comes from the heart. Nikki is my SHEro because she influenced me to express myself through poetry and did I forget to mention she LOVES Tupac and has "Thug Life"tatted on her arm...Nikki Giovanni's work is incredible. She truly does not get all the credit she deserves. She is my SHEro and my favorite poet of all time!

Here is my favorite poems by Nikki Giovanni

 I'm Not Lonely 

I’m not lonely

sleeping all alone

you think i’m scared

but I’m a big girl

i don’t cry or anything

I have a great

big bed to roll around

in and lots of space

and I don’t dream

bad dreams like i used

to have that you

were leaving me

anymore

Now that you’re gone

I don’t dream

and no matter

what you think

i’m not lonely

sleeping

all alone

The Day I Meet Nikki Giovanni 

Lesson Learned

We all have had that one guy who everyone around you knew was wrong for you but YOU. I could go down a list of all the WRONG ones who I had to kick to the curve. Through all of my heartaches I was able to learn the lessons from all of the pain. Now this post I was going to keep to myself but...my friends insisted I had to post it lol. So here it goes..

I have to come to terms that we will never be. I have to tell myself it’s over, so I can move on. It hurt but it didn’t kill me. Add this to the lessons. I am better than my mistakes. Yes, falling for someone who I knew was dealing with someone else was my downfall. I made that mistake and I own it. I knew deep down this would be the outcome but I decided living in the moment was better at that time. If I could go back and change anything, I wouldn’t. I needed to be broken down this time. I didn't learn my lesson the first time and clearly the 2^nd time around I have. All I can truly say now is thank you. Thank you for the lesson you taught me. Thank you for getting me out in time. Thank you for not giving up on me. He was not for me and I finally see it.  You see what he did hurt me but the outcome doesn’t make me. I am not my mistakes...
 

Dear ****, 

Thank you. Thank you for showing me what I do NOT want in a man. You treated me like pure shit and I accepted it for over 2 years. With your lies and sneaky ways, I gave you way more than you deserved. I respected you enough to always be honest with you but clearly you never respected me. I see you oh so happy right now, engaged and that's great but does she know that while you were with her..you were with me? Of course she doesn't...I could go on for days on the crazy shit you did. So let me reiterate, you showed me what I did not deserve. You will reap what you sow. Karma is a cold bitch! 

Sincerely
The wrong ONE 

Have you ever listened to a song and it described exactly how you were feeling at that time? Just press play..

Alicia Keys Ft. John Mayer - Lesson Learned

The Day I Stopped Questioning God

I use to wake up every day wanting a different outcome from the day before. Every day is a blessing but, my life feels like a curse. I ask God why and the answer is silent. I pray and I pray and I pray but the answer seems lost. Why is this happening to me? What is the lesson being taught?

One day, I woke up with no questions. Instead of questioning God, I began to thank him. I started to give thanks more for the things I didn't have. I told myself, the things that I want are not at my reach for a reason, so I thank God for keeping me away from them. I noticed a change within my days. The more I stopped asking questions, the more answers I got. God was silent for a reason. He was telling me to be silent and listen. Never question why, just shut up and listen for the answers.

Free

I just want to be free

Free from all the sorrow and pain

Free from all the worries and doubts

Trust in the lord they say

I read my bible everyday

In God I trust

I would not make it through this fuss without

Trust it’s a powerful word

A short one

But it gives me hope

Hope that one day I will be free from the hurt

Free from the pain

Freedom is what I seek

But what will I be when I am finally truly free?

- Jasmine H.

Our Generation Is Not Lost

I stumbled across this video on Facebook and was blown away. I hear so many of my elders say that this generation is dead. That we don't know our history. Well, I won't say no more...please press play. 

Perfection?

Honey, it is okay not to be perfect. You cannot look at these girls on the cover of magazines and TV shows and think for one second that is perfection. Most of those girls are photo shopped in pictures and in real life. To be honest, they are the most insecure women anyway. Thousands of dollars in plastic surgery, caked on makeup and oh this new contouring trend...do you really think covering up your flaws will make you perfect? The answer is NO. No matter how much you change yourself the flaws will always remain. It's when you learn to love the things you hate is when you will really start to see the change. Self-love is the best love and if you don't love yourself how do you expect anyone else to? Look in the mirror and realize the reflection in the mirror is you. No one is built like you. Unique as you are, learn to love you and then you will not worry about the sick disease called perfection.

All Scars Are Not Visible

Last week on The Real, one of the topics the ladies discussed was the advice they would tell their 20 year old self. Just 2 weeks ago, I launched my blog with a letter to my younger self and to see the ladies on The Real speak on the same topic felt like a sign from God. Tamar Braxton shared a heart wrenching story on how she was stuck in an abusive relationship in her early 20's. She expressed how getting to know who she is got her out of the relationship. Hearing Tamar’s story really inspired me to share a piece of me that only a few people know about, my battle with depression.

This time seven years ago, I was unknowingly gearing up for one of the toughest battles of my life. For many years, I held in the pain of seeing my father tear my family apart with his drug habit. Spring 2008 was a tough time for me. During this time, I remember having to hide money in my shoes because my father would go through my purse to search for money to pay for his drugs. Many times I had to defend myself from my father physically attacking me and then apologizing and acting like nothing ever happen.  Living in a home where I felt unsafe and frightened for my life as well as my mom and brother was extremely hard. Looking back, I really don’t know how I remained to do so well in school and hold on to my social life without breaking. When my father left, I didn't have time to heal from the situation because I just pushed it to the side and kept myself busy. During the end of my junior year of high school, I meet a boy who I later feel deeply in love with. Still til this day, that was one of the happiest moments of my life.  However once our relationship went sour I had the pain of losing my first love and the pain I did not deal with from my father’s drug problem hit me all at once. Here I am starting my freshman year of college battling with trying to maintain my grades and dealing with this pain I NEVER felt before. My grades slipped because I could not focus. I lost a lot of weight from not having an appetite and sometimes had to force myself to eat. I would hide through a smile but deep down I was hurting so bad. I have a hard time trusting people so I felt like I couldn't tell anyone. I have a hard time showing people my weaknesses because I don’t want to give them an advantage on how to break me. That time in my life felt like it would never end. I never thought I would get over the pain someone else caused me because the hurt was that deep. I remember feeling like a stranger in my own home (my body). I did not know who I was or where I was going. I remember just praying that I would overcome this situation. I would pray all night if I had to until I felt like my prayers were heard. I began the process of healing by writing down my feelings and writing poetry. Even though it took me a few months to overcome this situation it felt like years. I literally woke up one day and I felt like myself again. The pain was vanishing and I finally saw my happiness shine through the clouds.

I appreciate all of the ladies of The Real who shared their stories because sometimes we love to share the highs of our lives and tend to ignore the lows. The achievements in life mean nothing without the failures. The best thing to do when you feel lost is to STOP and pray. Having God on my side helped me overcome every battle I experienced in life to date. When the road got blurry, God made my vision clear and helped me overcome my battle with depression. To anyone battling depression, you are not alone. I have been in your shoes and I am now walking in a new and better pair. There is sunshine after the storm.

"THE STRONGEST PEOPLE 

ARE NOT THOSE WHO SHOW 

STRENGTH IN FRONT OF US

BUT THOSE WHO WIN BATTLES

WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT" - UNKNOWN

Educated Queen: Lauryn Hill

Who inspires you to be you? Have you ever meet someone who just made you love yourself a little bit more? Even though I have never physically meet Lauryn Hill, I truly feel a connection with her. She is a living gem. The knowledge this women posse on self-love, God and believing in your dreams is remarkable. Today, I stumbled upon a speech Lauryn gave to a few high school students almost 15 years ago. At 25, she spoke as someone twice her age. I wanted to share this video with you all because the words she spoke almost 15 years ago, are still so powerful and relevant today. As I watched this video, I started to jot down things that she said and this one particular point she made, inspired me to wrote a poem. “Who I am, has nothing to do with what you see”.  – Lauryn Hill

Where do you live?

My body is my address

This is where I live

Who I am has nothing to do with what I wear or what you see

Who I truly am cannot be seen

It can only be felt through the spirit.

My body is my home

It shields my soul

It is the keeper of my spirit

It is where I live

- Jasmine Hill

Watch this inspiring video below and share your thoughts

Call Me, Poetic Jas

Not many people know that I am secretly write poetry. I rarely share this because, I hate the question, "Let me hear one of your poems". I was too afraid to let people see me so vulnerable. My poems tell a side of me that I was not ready to release until now. So...today I will share with you my very first poem I ever wrote. Now keep in mind that I am an artist and I'm sensitive about my SHHH... lol

I, Too 

(Inspired by I, Too by Langston Hughes)

I, too, am in love

In a city full of vultures

Ready to tear my heart open and eat the flesh of you out of me

I stand my ground

My ground for love that is

Hate Love signs posted along the streets I walk

I tear them down with sorrow

For I am in love in a world full of hate

I stand out as the odd ball

Like the Jewish were towards the Nazi’s

Wearing a heart on my chest to point me out from others

I stand my ground

My ground for love that is

As I walk through the crowd

I am shunned, spit on and yelled at as if I were a murderer

Knowing that the end is near

I keep on walking

I finally reached the end of the road

I see a man who’s pointing for me to come

I walk over

And he tells me…

I, too, am in love.

- Jasmine Hill

Letter to My younger self

Dear Jasmine,

Today is your 24th birthday. What makes this day even more special is this is your first birthday celebrated as a college graduate. You did it! At 18, you had the world eating out of the palm of your hands. Getting ready for prom, graduating high school and starting college. Oh, how can I forget...you found love. Yes, I know you think it will last forever but, I hate to burst your bubble and tell you it doesn't. Girl, at 24 you are SINGLE as a dollar bill and the way that's looking it won't be changed soon. But, you will be OKAY..I promise!

One thing I can tell you about your future self is, you will find yourself and finally look in the mirror and love who you are. Growing up I know you hated the way you looked or wish you were as pretty as the other girls but I’m here to tell you always were as pretty as the other girls and definitely way smarter. Insecurities suck but you will learn to love the things you hate. Your fair skin, curly hair, freckles and beauty mark make you who you are and because you are uniquely you and that makes you even more beautiful. If you only knew how special you were then...but it's okay because you will realize it later on.

Unfortunately your daddy issues have not ended. Growing up seeing your dad go from your hero to your worst nightmare was tough but you will learn to accept it. You learned to use that pain to build your strength and now you are truly a girl on fire. Your strength is unbelievable right now. It's so strong you created a blog to inspire others through your story. Crazy right?

If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to enjoy life and stop worrying about if you are good enough because you are. Look in the mirror, love the person staring back at you. Self-love is the key to true happiness. Instead of focusing on the things you rather change, learn to accept them. Last but certainly not least, keep your trust in the lord. He has a lot in store for you.

Well before I go, I want to say, now at 24, your life is almost identical to how you imagined. Your dreams and goals you set are coming true. You are going to change the world someday.

Sincerely, 

The Future You

HERstory in the Making

Creating this blog took a lot of courage. I have battled all my life with how much of myself I should reveal to people and what to keep as private. Until one day I read a quote that said, "Never be so quiet that you let someone else tell your story". The things I went through and are currently going through in life can help someone else who may be going through the same thing and that reason alone helped motivate me to tell my story.  We all have a story to tell but its up to you to tell it or let someone else tell it for you. 

   HERstory in the Making was created by a once lost girl who is on the path to finding herself. HERstory in the Making promotes women empowerment  through personal experience, education and entertainment. I hope to empower, inspire and unite women through HERstory. 

  

Through my story, or your story, I pledge to tell our story and make it HERstory. 

Welcome to my world.