Dear Momma

Dear Momma,

You had me at a tender age of 17. Still a baby yourself. You sacrificed some of the best years of your life when you brought me into this world. Now that I am 24 with a college degree, preparing for my second degree and have an extremely bright future, I have many to thank but I thank you the most. I seen your struggles and I have witnessed your triumphs. You helped me realize that I needed to grow into who I am destined to be before I begin a life with someone else. I have learned from all the mistakes you made. I hold onto the things you done right and store them into my things of wisdom. Your story is like no other and today I cherish and honor you because of it. 

You are one the strongest people I know. When it was time to pick up the pieces of our broken family, you did. I never told you this but, I never seen you happy until you and my father split. I felt like I got a new mom in a way. You truly deserved and still deserve happiness. Even on your worst day, you are still amazing. I love you for who you are. Never forget your worth. Never dull your light for someone else to shine. Be your own light.

Today, I am proud of the woman you are because, I watched you become her. You are far from perfect, but that makes you even more amazing. I learned how to be the strong,wise and goal-orientated young woman by watching your journey in life. Thank you for all the lessons you taught me because, I am a better person because of them. Thank you for the sacrifices you made because, it helped me get to where I am today. Thank you for being my mom because, without you there will be no me. 

Happy Mother's Day Mommy

I love you to the moon and back..

Yours Truly,

Jasmine 

Insecurities are a B****

                                         

“You have a bright future, you just have to learn to let go of what’s holding you back; your insecurities. You don’t think your good enough and you are. Repeat after me, I am beautiful, I am good enough”. - A woman who changed my life

 
 A woman I did not even know looked at me and read me like a book. To have someone read out loud your inner thoughts is extremely scary but, life changing. I still get chills thinking about that day in Memphis back in 2013.  

 On the last day of the HBCU Kings and Queens Conference in Memphis TN, we had an early morning church service. Most of the schools left before the service started so the room was pretty empty.  I remember walking in the conference room  just praying saying let the word speak to me today lord. That morning I woke up feeling uneasy and not feeling too good about myself. I have never compared myself to another woman until then. All these beautiful HBCU campus queens from all over the country coming together to learn how to utilize our titles to better our communities and ourselves. Everyone was so poised, elegant and well put together and then there was me. I felt so inexperienced and out of my comfort zone. I was so nervous because, being an introvert I had to get out of my comfort zone and be more interactive rather than observant. As we sat down, our guest speaker was introduced. Once she opened her mouth, I knew today was going to be like no other.  She called upon each school one by one and had us come up to the front. Of course we went first and as I looked at all of my court family, I saw tears just rolling down our face as she held our hands and told us all of the fears and things deep down inside holding us back. As she looked at me, she just held my hand, looked and me and said," Baby you are a mess.You have a bright future, you just have to learn to let go of what’s holding you back, your insecurities. You don’t think your good enough and you are. Repeat after me, I am beautiful, I am good enough”. With the ugly cry and all, I repeated those word until I started believing them...

That moment I had to put my fears to the side and be the queen that was seen in me to be. I questioned everyday why I was chosen to be on the royal court until that day I met this woman. The queens I once thought were all put together were just as broken as me. I have never seen so many people crying and hugging one another like I did on that day. Many of the queens were just as insecure as me. That day, I realized you can’t judge a book by its cover. We are all flawed and that is what makes us beautiful.  To accept and love your flaws is what helps you find the beauty in them. I realized my purpose that day. I never questioned why me again and no matter where I was, I never forgot to wear my invisible crown. Once a queen, always a queen.  My future is so bright I have to wear shades from being so blinded  J

Caged Bird

Right now I feel like a caged bird. Trapped inside a cage with no way out. The feeling of being held back or unable to move is painful. Trying to express how you truly feel while you are stuck in a place where you don't know how and when you will make it out is extremely hard. I have lived my life trying to please everyone but...myself. I have watched myself put a smile on everyone's face but my own. It's coming to a point where I don't know what I want or how to just please me. I just want to be set free. Feeling like a bird trapped in a cage while everyone stops and stares at me. My loud cries for help are being mistaken for a beautiful song. I just want to be set free. Being stuck inside of a mental cage has turned me into someone I do not know. I just want to be free so I can fly, fly, fly...

I am so misunderstood. I can't express myself. I feel stuck. I have held in my pain that now it's started to take over who I truly am. From the outside looking in it seems to be that I have it all together but deep down inside I am a mess. Trapped inside a body that doesn't feel like mine. I just want to be free.  Let go of my fears and just take a leap of faith. No more pleasing others. It time to please myself. If it makes you uncomfortable , oh well. Well behaved women seldom make history...

Proceed With Caution...

10 Life Lessons I've learned Since Turning 24

                                                     
At 24, I have many achievements that I am extremely proud of. However, with my success also came many challenges that I had to overcome. From losing and gaining friends, to trying to find myself and my purpose in life, I have experienced many failures. With all of the failures I endured, I managed to turn them into lessons. I love sharing my journey with others because, my struggles might help someone else to not make the same mistakes I made. 

I decided to share some of the lessons I have learned...

1.The things I once saw as perfect are completely flawed.

Beyonce said it best, "Perfection is a disease of a nation". Simply put it like this, perfection does not exist. Stop trying to find perfection, it is okay to have flaws. Be Flawesome (Something that is totally awesome but not without it's flaws). 

2.Life is hard only if you tell yourself that.

I tell my friends all of the time that the more you speak negativity into the atmosphere, the more it will appear in your life. Stop expressing how hard life is and start embracing the positive aspects of your life. Nothing is unreachable or impossible, the word itself says, I'M POSSIBLE. 

3.Turn your failures into lessons.

Never a failure, only a lesson learned. I am no longer afraid to fail because, with each failure I grow more knowledgeable and stronger. Learning the lesson in each failure of my life is the reason I am now not afraid to take risk. I now stand outside of the box instead of being confined in one. 

4.My life is mine for a reason, no one else can live it for me.

This is my life homie, you decide yours - Kanye West 

5.Tell your story while you are here, don't give someone else an opportunity to tell it for you. 

Best lesson I have learned thus far. I created this blog to tell my story because, I wanted to to give myself the opportunity to tell my story before someone else could. Never let someone else be your voice. Find an outlet to tell your story. 

6.Be wise in those you trust, don't be foolish in trusting everyone.

Trust is something that is not given to everyone. Just like respect, trust is earned as well. Not everyone is not trustworthy. 

7.Forgive those who hurt you and yourself for hurting others.

Forgiveness, Forgiveness, Forgiveness...it truly is easier said than done. One thing about forgiveness is that it helps you. Holding on to hurt and pain will only make you bitter and angry. Release it and move on..

8. I am nothing without God

He saw the best in me, when everyone else around could only see the worst in me. *DROPS THE MIC*

9.Never compare yourself to another, they are not you and you are not them.

There is only one me. No one is built like me. We all walk different paths in life. Comparing yourself to someone else will only make you look and feel insecure. Embrace who YOU are. Love yourself.

10. Silence is not golden, never be afraid to say what you feel, your words might help another.

Speak up or never be heard. I grew up always holding my tongue and never expressing how I truly felt. Nothing is worse than an untold story. So say it loud and proud!

What are some of your life lessons learned? Comment below...

My SHEro: Nikki Giovanni

3 years ago, I had the privilege of witnessing one of my idols speak at my alma mater, Bowie State University. I will never forget rushing to the stage at the end of the event for her to sign her book of poems I owned. She grabbed my book, looked me in my eyes and just smiled. Still one of my prized possessions. Nikki Giovanni is the reason why I love poetry. Her poems were always so simple yet deep. She taught me that sometimes poems are not suppose to rhyme, but to just mean something to you. When I first started writing poetry, I always thought if it didn't rhyme is wasn't good. Reading her poems changed my perspective and now I write freely. I don't worry if it doesn't rhyme as long as it comes from the heart. Nikki is my SHEro because she influenced me to express myself through poetry and did I forget to mention she LOVES Tupac and has "Thug Life"tatted on her arm...Nikki Giovanni's work is incredible. She truly does not get all the credit she deserves. She is my SHEro and my favorite poet of all time!

Here is my favorite poems by Nikki Giovanni

 I'm Not Lonely 

I’m not lonely

sleeping all alone

you think i’m scared

but I’m a big girl

i don’t cry or anything

I have a great

big bed to roll around

in and lots of space

and I don’t dream

bad dreams like i used

to have that you

were leaving me

anymore

Now that you’re gone

I don’t dream

and no matter

what you think

i’m not lonely

sleeping

all alone

The Day I Meet Nikki Giovanni 

Lesson Learned

We all have had that one guy who everyone around you knew was wrong for you but YOU. I could go down a list of all the WRONG ones who I had to kick to the curve. Through all of my heartaches I was able to learn the lessons from all of the pain. Now this post I was going to keep to myself but...my friends insisted I had to post it lol. So here it goes..

I have to come to terms that we will never be. I have to tell myself it’s over, so I can move on. It hurt but it didn’t kill me. Add this to the lessons. I am better than my mistakes. Yes, falling for someone who I knew was dealing with someone else was my downfall. I made that mistake and I own it. I knew deep down this would be the outcome but I decided living in the moment was better at that time. If I could go back and change anything, I wouldn’t. I needed to be broken down this time. I didn't learn my lesson the first time and clearly the 2^nd time around I have. All I can truly say now is thank you. Thank you for the lesson you taught me. Thank you for getting me out in time. Thank you for not giving up on me. He was not for me and I finally see it.  You see what he did hurt me but the outcome doesn’t make me. I am not my mistakes...
 

Dear ****, 

Thank you. Thank you for showing me what I do NOT want in a man. You treated me like pure shit and I accepted it for over 2 years. With your lies and sneaky ways, I gave you way more than you deserved. I respected you enough to always be honest with you but clearly you never respected me. I see you oh so happy right now, engaged and that's great but does she know that while you were with her..you were with me? Of course she doesn't...I could go on for days on the crazy shit you did. So let me reiterate, you showed me what I did not deserve. You will reap what you sow. Karma is a cold bitch! 

Sincerely
The wrong ONE 

Have you ever listened to a song and it described exactly how you were feeling at that time? Just press play..

Alicia Keys Ft. John Mayer - Lesson Learned