Fear Is No Longer My Name

Today, I decided to pull out my pen and write. I haven’t had the urge to share my thoughts in months but, that changed today. These past few months have been the most amazing yet hard times for me. As I was gaining so much professionally, I personally was losing myself. I no longer knew who I was. I lost myself trying to chase a dream that no one else believed in but myself. I lost hope in myself and started second guessing my purpose in life. I was lost and didn’t know when or who was going to find me. I could no longer hear my voice. I lost it. I could no longer hear myself think. All I heard was unwanted opinions, words of doubt and disappointment. I started to feed into that reflection of me and I forgot to listen to the most important voice, myself.

Not anymore! Today I woke up and finally heard a voice I haven’t heard in a long time. Mine! Today I realized that the only person holding me back was myself. I have to learn to knock down the barriers I placed before me and break free from the doubt and the pain. Today I declare victory as fear is no longer my name. Maybe the voices I was hearing were just fear all along. I feared achieving my dreams because I was afraid to lose them. I was afraid to fail again. I was afraid to step out on faith because I had lost it. It took me awhile but I learned to release my fears and regain my trust and faith in God. We all get lost from time to time but as long as you find where you are, that is all that matters. Learn, grown and heal.

Poem: Song OF Happiness

Song of Happiness

By: Jasmine Hill

Today is the day

I wake up a new

Today is the day

I will not sing the blues

Leave my troubles behind

And follow my heart through

Sing this tune

My happiness tune

I will no longer cry

Or doubt what I can do

I will lead the way

Singing my happy tune

Nothing Was The Same

Somethings are better left unsaid. However, the things that eat you alive release it. Today, I share my story of a broken friendship through my art. 

Nothing Was The Same

By Jasmine Hill 

 We were like Oprah and Gayle

Or more like a crazy duo
Like Thelma and Louise

If someone would have told me yesterday we would be friends forever

I would tell them to not keep that promise

People grow apart

And what is meant to be will be

But if you never lost a friend like that

How could you tell me it’s not that deep?

Sometimes I just want to pick up my phone and call you

But I know it will never be the same

I just want to tell you that I am proud of you

And I just hope you feel the same

My love for you is still there

That will never change

I just want my friend back

Is that hard to explain?

I guess it is

Since nothing will ever be the same

I Don't Want To Just Feel Better, I Want To Be Healed!

Have you ever just been so angry with an ex that you just wanted to get even? Make them feel the pain they left on you. The feeling of seeking revenge is enduring but the feeling is only temporary. Hurting someone else because they hurt you won't help you move on and learn from the situation. It will make you bitter and angry. Have you heard of the term, "hurt people, hurt people"? Inflicting pain won't make you feel any better. I had a situation recently where I saw someone thing from an ex on social media and was furious. The number one thing I hate is being lied to. I called my girlfriend up and told her I just wish I could be petty and just seek revenge against him. She told me to do it because I would make me feel better. Once she said that, a little voice popped in my head and said “you don't want to just feel better, you want to be healed”. Sometimes we seek quick resolutions to our problems instead of long term ones. Continuing to give those who hurt you attention is hurting yourself more than them. At that moment, I realized being the bigger person has gotten me far in many situations and it definitely will in this one too. I can no longer worry about someone else's happiness when we all know looks can be deceiving. I am no longer concerned about an ex because, he is an ex for a reason. Time moves forward for a reason and so should I...

To Whom It May Concern

Dear Broken-Hearted Girl,

You know you have to let go and move on but, you don't. You hold on to this little bit of hope that just maybe it will all work out… I am here to tell you to let it go. God has given you all the signs you need to just move on. I know it is harder said than done but, when is enough truly enough? You are strong enough. Never give in to the devil trying to make you think you are weak. You can't open a new door before you close the one behind you. You see I said behind you. Move forward. Don't even think about reversing. You deserve more than broken promises and lies...you deserve your happiness. Now go get it!

Yours Truly,

Jas

Dear Momma

Dear Momma,

You had me at a tender age of 17. Still a baby yourself. You sacrificed some of the best years of your life when you brought me into this world. Now that I am 24 with a college degree, preparing for my second degree and have an extremely bright future, I have many to thank but I thank you the most. I seen your struggles and I have witnessed your triumphs. You helped me realize that I needed to grow into who I am destined to be before I begin a life with someone else. I have learned from all the mistakes you made. I hold onto the things you done right and store them into my things of wisdom. Your story is like no other and today I cherish and honor you because of it. 

You are one the strongest people I know. When it was time to pick up the pieces of our broken family, you did. I never told you this but, I never seen you happy until you and my father split. I felt like I got a new mom in a way. You truly deserved and still deserve happiness. Even on your worst day, you are still amazing. I love you for who you are. Never forget your worth. Never dull your light for someone else to shine. Be your own light.

Today, I am proud of the woman you are because, I watched you become her. You are far from perfect, but that makes you even more amazing. I learned how to be the strong,wise and goal-orientated young woman by watching your journey in life. Thank you for all the lessons you taught me because, I am a better person because of them. Thank you for the sacrifices you made because, it helped me get to where I am today. Thank you for being my mom because, without you there will be no me. 

Happy Mother's Day Mommy

I love you to the moon and back..

Yours Truly,

Jasmine 

Insecurities are a B****

                                         

“You have a bright future, you just have to learn to let go of what’s holding you back; your insecurities. You don’t think your good enough and you are. Repeat after me, I am beautiful, I am good enough”. - A woman who changed my life

 
 A woman I did not even know looked at me and read me like a book. To have someone read out loud your inner thoughts is extremely scary but, life changing. I still get chills thinking about that day in Memphis back in 2013.  

 On the last day of the HBCU Kings and Queens Conference in Memphis TN, we had an early morning church service. Most of the schools left before the service started so the room was pretty empty.  I remember walking in the conference room  just praying saying let the word speak to me today lord. That morning I woke up feeling uneasy and not feeling too good about myself. I have never compared myself to another woman until then. All these beautiful HBCU campus queens from all over the country coming together to learn how to utilize our titles to better our communities and ourselves. Everyone was so poised, elegant and well put together and then there was me. I felt so inexperienced and out of my comfort zone. I was so nervous because, being an introvert I had to get out of my comfort zone and be more interactive rather than observant. As we sat down, our guest speaker was introduced. Once she opened her mouth, I knew today was going to be like no other.  She called upon each school one by one and had us come up to the front. Of course we went first and as I looked at all of my court family, I saw tears just rolling down our face as she held our hands and told us all of the fears and things deep down inside holding us back. As she looked at me, she just held my hand, looked and me and said," Baby you are a mess.You have a bright future, you just have to learn to let go of what’s holding you back, your insecurities. You don’t think your good enough and you are. Repeat after me, I am beautiful, I am good enough”. With the ugly cry and all, I repeated those word until I started believing them...

That moment I had to put my fears to the side and be the queen that was seen in me to be. I questioned everyday why I was chosen to be on the royal court until that day I met this woman. The queens I once thought were all put together were just as broken as me. I have never seen so many people crying and hugging one another like I did on that day. Many of the queens were just as insecure as me. That day, I realized you can’t judge a book by its cover. We are all flawed and that is what makes us beautiful.  To accept and love your flaws is what helps you find the beauty in them. I realized my purpose that day. I never questioned why me again and no matter where I was, I never forgot to wear my invisible crown. Once a queen, always a queen.  My future is so bright I have to wear shades from being so blinded  J