I Don't Want To Just Feel Better, I Want To Be Healed!

Have you ever just been so angry with an ex that you just wanted to get even? Make them feel the pain they left on you. The feeling of seeking revenge is enduring but the feeling is only temporary. Hurting someone else because they hurt you won't help you move on and learn from the situation. It will make you bitter and angry. Have you heard of the term, "hurt people, hurt people"? Inflicting pain won't make you feel any better. I had a situation recently where I saw someone thing from an ex on social media and was furious. The number one thing I hate is being lied to. I called my girlfriend up and told her I just wish I could be petty and just seek revenge against him. She told me to do it because I would make me feel better. Once she said that, a little voice popped in my head and said “you don't want to just feel better, you want to be healed”. Sometimes we seek quick resolutions to our problems instead of long term ones. Continuing to give those who hurt you attention is hurting yourself more than them. At that moment, I realized being the bigger person has gotten me far in many situations and it definitely will in this one too. I can no longer worry about someone else's happiness when we all know looks can be deceiving. I am no longer concerned about an ex because, he is an ex for a reason. Time moves forward for a reason and so should I...

To Whom It May Concern

Dear Broken-Hearted Girl,

You know you have to let go and move on but, you don't. You hold on to this little bit of hope that just maybe it will all work out… I am here to tell you to let it go. God has given you all the signs you need to just move on. I know it is harder said than done but, when is enough truly enough? You are strong enough. Never give in to the devil trying to make you think you are weak. You can't open a new door before you close the one behind you. You see I said behind you. Move forward. Don't even think about reversing. You deserve more than broken promises and lies...you deserve your happiness. Now go get it!

Yours Truly,

Jas

Dear Momma

Dear Momma,

You had me at a tender age of 17. Still a baby yourself. You sacrificed some of the best years of your life when you brought me into this world. Now that I am 24 with a college degree, preparing for my second degree and have an extremely bright future, I have many to thank but I thank you the most. I seen your struggles and I have witnessed your triumphs. You helped me realize that I needed to grow into who I am destined to be before I begin a life with someone else. I have learned from all the mistakes you made. I hold onto the things you done right and store them into my things of wisdom. Your story is like no other and today I cherish and honor you because of it. 

You are one the strongest people I know. When it was time to pick up the pieces of our broken family, you did. I never told you this but, I never seen you happy until you and my father split. I felt like I got a new mom in a way. You truly deserved and still deserve happiness. Even on your worst day, you are still amazing. I love you for who you are. Never forget your worth. Never dull your light for someone else to shine. Be your own light.

Today, I am proud of the woman you are because, I watched you become her. You are far from perfect, but that makes you even more amazing. I learned how to be the strong,wise and goal-orientated young woman by watching your journey in life. Thank you for all the lessons you taught me because, I am a better person because of them. Thank you for the sacrifices you made because, it helped me get to where I am today. Thank you for being my mom because, without you there will be no me. 

Happy Mother's Day Mommy

I love you to the moon and back..

Yours Truly,

Jasmine 

Insecurities are a B****

                                         

“You have a bright future, you just have to learn to let go of what’s holding you back; your insecurities. You don’t think your good enough and you are. Repeat after me, I am beautiful, I am good enough”. - A woman who changed my life

 
 A woman I did not even know looked at me and read me like a book. To have someone read out loud your inner thoughts is extremely scary but, life changing. I still get chills thinking about that day in Memphis back in 2013.  

 On the last day of the HBCU Kings and Queens Conference in Memphis TN, we had an early morning church service. Most of the schools left before the service started so the room was pretty empty.  I remember walking in the conference room  just praying saying let the word speak to me today lord. That morning I woke up feeling uneasy and not feeling too good about myself. I have never compared myself to another woman until then. All these beautiful HBCU campus queens from all over the country coming together to learn how to utilize our titles to better our communities and ourselves. Everyone was so poised, elegant and well put together and then there was me. I felt so inexperienced and out of my comfort zone. I was so nervous because, being an introvert I had to get out of my comfort zone and be more interactive rather than observant. As we sat down, our guest speaker was introduced. Once she opened her mouth, I knew today was going to be like no other.  She called upon each school one by one and had us come up to the front. Of course we went first and as I looked at all of my court family, I saw tears just rolling down our face as she held our hands and told us all of the fears and things deep down inside holding us back. As she looked at me, she just held my hand, looked and me and said," Baby you are a mess.You have a bright future, you just have to learn to let go of what’s holding you back, your insecurities. You don’t think your good enough and you are. Repeat after me, I am beautiful, I am good enough”. With the ugly cry and all, I repeated those word until I started believing them...

That moment I had to put my fears to the side and be the queen that was seen in me to be. I questioned everyday why I was chosen to be on the royal court until that day I met this woman. The queens I once thought were all put together were just as broken as me. I have never seen so many people crying and hugging one another like I did on that day. Many of the queens were just as insecure as me. That day, I realized you can’t judge a book by its cover. We are all flawed and that is what makes us beautiful.  To accept and love your flaws is what helps you find the beauty in them. I realized my purpose that day. I never questioned why me again and no matter where I was, I never forgot to wear my invisible crown. Once a queen, always a queen.  My future is so bright I have to wear shades from being so blinded  J

Caged Bird

Right now I feel like a caged bird. Trapped inside a cage with no way out. The feeling of being held back or unable to move is painful. Trying to express how you truly feel while you are stuck in a place where you don't know how and when you will make it out is extremely hard. I have lived my life trying to please everyone but...myself. I have watched myself put a smile on everyone's face but my own. It's coming to a point where I don't know what I want or how to just please me. I just want to be set free. Feeling like a bird trapped in a cage while everyone stops and stares at me. My loud cries for help are being mistaken for a beautiful song. I just want to be set free. Being stuck inside of a mental cage has turned me into someone I do not know. I just want to be free so I can fly, fly, fly...

I am so misunderstood. I can't express myself. I feel stuck. I have held in my pain that now it's started to take over who I truly am. From the outside looking in it seems to be that I have it all together but deep down inside I am a mess. Trapped inside a body that doesn't feel like mine. I just want to be free.  Let go of my fears and just take a leap of faith. No more pleasing others. It time to please myself. If it makes you uncomfortable , oh well. Well behaved women seldom make history...

Proceed With Caution...

10 Life Lessons I've learned Since Turning 24

                                                     
At 24, I have many achievements that I am extremely proud of. However, with my success also came many challenges that I had to overcome. From losing and gaining friends, to trying to find myself and my purpose in life, I have experienced many failures. With all of the failures I endured, I managed to turn them into lessons. I love sharing my journey with others because, my struggles might help someone else to not make the same mistakes I made. 

I decided to share some of the lessons I have learned...

1.The things I once saw as perfect are completely flawed.

Beyonce said it best, "Perfection is a disease of a nation". Simply put it like this, perfection does not exist. Stop trying to find perfection, it is okay to have flaws. Be Flawesome (Something that is totally awesome but not without it's flaws). 

2.Life is hard only if you tell yourself that.

I tell my friends all of the time that the more you speak negativity into the atmosphere, the more it will appear in your life. Stop expressing how hard life is and start embracing the positive aspects of your life. Nothing is unreachable or impossible, the word itself says, I'M POSSIBLE. 

3.Turn your failures into lessons.

Never a failure, only a lesson learned. I am no longer afraid to fail because, with each failure I grow more knowledgeable and stronger. Learning the lesson in each failure of my life is the reason I am now not afraid to take risk. I now stand outside of the box instead of being confined in one. 

4.My life is mine for a reason, no one else can live it for me.

This is my life homie, you decide yours - Kanye West 

5.Tell your story while you are here, don't give someone else an opportunity to tell it for you. 

Best lesson I have learned thus far. I created this blog to tell my story because, I wanted to to give myself the opportunity to tell my story before someone else could. Never let someone else be your voice. Find an outlet to tell your story. 

6.Be wise in those you trust, don't be foolish in trusting everyone.

Trust is something that is not given to everyone. Just like respect, trust is earned as well. Not everyone is not trustworthy. 

7.Forgive those who hurt you and yourself for hurting others.

Forgiveness, Forgiveness, Forgiveness...it truly is easier said than done. One thing about forgiveness is that it helps you. Holding on to hurt and pain will only make you bitter and angry. Release it and move on..

8. I am nothing without God

He saw the best in me, when everyone else around could only see the worst in me. *DROPS THE MIC*

9.Never compare yourself to another, they are not you and you are not them.

There is only one me. No one is built like me. We all walk different paths in life. Comparing yourself to someone else will only make you look and feel insecure. Embrace who YOU are. Love yourself.

10. Silence is not golden, never be afraid to say what you feel, your words might help another.

Speak up or never be heard. I grew up always holding my tongue and never expressing how I truly felt. Nothing is worse than an untold story. So say it loud and proud!

What are some of your life lessons learned? Comment below...